Not a Nympho

“You’re going to be a nympho when you’re older.”

I heard that a lot when I was in high school. Before you get your panties in a twist, let me add that in those years I was dating Jesus but cheating emotionally with U2. There was no sex being had. My first kiss was when I was 15… A year before I was allowed to date, which, to me, was a scandal. That ‘boyfriend’ lasted a whopping three weeks, and to this day that was the worst kiss I’ve ever experienced.

What my (male) friend was referring to when he said that was that I was obsessed with the concept of sex. As a result, I was always talking about it.  I still am.

I discovered my sex drive when I was eleven. No wait, I was ten when I started masturbating, though I didn’t know what I was doing. I just thought pillows were great.  I know some adult women who have ‘boyfriend’ pillows, and I wonder if they’re used in that manner.

Anyway, sex was a constant subject in my life. Inevitably I studied the subject as soon as it was culturally acceptable. College. Still no sex.

Make-outs aside, the first time I did anything “sexual” was when I was 21. The first time I had intercourse was when I was 22 years and 340 days old with my boyfriend of ten months.  Oddly, it didn’t hurt.  Maybe I was just excited enough, or distracted by the encounter as a whole.

Years after we broke up I asked him if he remembers me having pain issues during sex.  You see, I didn’t discover Vulvodynia until I was 25.  I thought I was too small (nope), had ongoing yeast infections (a common error of OBGyn’s), or just didn’t have sex enough to build tougher tissue (my compassionate doctor finally told me this just isn’t a thing — but we’ll make up anything to rationalize something like painful sex).  Boyfriend told me yes, actually, he seems to remember it sometimes being an issue.  Oh the denial I was in…

I’m writing this blog for several reasons.  First and foremost, this chronic disease is not widely known.  In fact, it is often misdiagnosed by OBGyn’s.  If I can create more awareness about this disease, maybe more women will find out sooner (instead of stay in self loathing or confusion) and more research will be funded.  Second, if I can provide any moral support for the other women who experience this defeating and scary disease, then my purpose will be fulfilled.  Finally, educating anyone and everyone about Vulvodynia is critical to healing.  I step away from my own privacy in order to help others.

Please use the comments to help support other women with Vulvodynia.  I have anonymous posting allowed so you can talk without being identified if you so choose.  ❤

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